As a non-mother I will most likely receive flack for posting what I'm about to post. But I've spent the past two years being a caregiver to my niece. I've seen the gritty; I've seen the sheer will it takes to raise a child. And I value independence, for myself and my sisters and my friends, too much to not comment.
I usually don't even read magazines anymore. But during a long browsing jaunt through the airport yesterday I picked up a copy of Marie Claire and was introduced to Elisabeth Badinter's controversial new book and methods on motherhood. Raved about in France, Badinter argues that modern women are allowing themselves to be pushed back: into the home, into the kitchen, into a child-obsessed culture that expects total enmeshment. I couldn't agree more. Reading this article made me realize hard and fast that many women I know in their twenties and thirties are seemingly excited about giving up careers for motherhood "once they have money saved and their husband's job is secure and rising."
Even I have uttered similar words. What has happened to us? As a sex we spent hundreds, even thousands if you wanna dig deep, of years being oppressed and living in a tyranny that dictated one thing: that we were babymakers. The twentieth century changed it all. Women just like us changed it all. Shattering glass ceilings, burning those bras, pushing for legislation, I could go on for days. And now the love of homemade baby food and organic cloth has sent us packing backwards? I'm confused. Almost as confused by this as I am by the new debate about birth control in America. I mean, what happened? Did a time machine take us back to 1942 and no one has realized it yet?
Badinter recommends simple solutions: go back to work after a maternity leave (I can attest that her continued career has saved my sister's sanity), make your partner do a lot of the work, and make sure your child is socialized and not ON you all the time. Be defined by your passions and a career too, not just motherhood. Make your own money!
Anyway, just thinking that these issues have to be written and talked about. Immediately. Or we are looking at some twisted regression of rights and feminism that should and could sicken us all.
Where Badinter misses the mark is that she focuses on one part of a woman's life, a fleeting moment. A person's life is much more than the 18 or less years they spend raising their offspring, or any other segment of time. Whether you are a working, stay at home mother or father, or you choose not to reproduce and give your love solely to your pets or partner. It is incredibly anti-feminist to think anything but of a woman's life as a whole, she is not separate from her accomplishments before and after birth. A woman's life is far greater than raising children, if she even chooses to do so. We can easily acknowledge the group of women who have delayed marriage in the last twenty years, gone to college, obtained a degree, jobs, and then went on to raise their children, perhaps with what could only be viewed as a sabbatical before they reenter the job market. Deciding to stay home with your child is much more than cloth diapers and baby food. It can be a blessing that many women who work want, and would give anything for, but can't for monetary reasons. Many others stay home because their paycheck is a wash. For what reason should you work a few years for nothing due to daycare, clothing, gas, lunches out when you could be caring for your child, watching them grow and guiding them? Many of the reasons that many couples decide to start or adopt a family. As a mother I cannot think of one advantage to work right now other than for a paycheck that would some months end up in the red. Even if it means that one day I would have been further in my career if I had not stayed out of the job market for a few years to nurture and run a household. When my last days arrive and my loved ones surround me it will be them that I am most proud of, regardless of what I go on to accomplish in life. I am certain that my own mother who chose to stay home for 30 years certainly did not wish that she would have fulfilled her life with a paycheck instead of the life that she lead, which was perfect for HER and she did not breastfeed me, cloth diaper me, or make my baby food. She ran our home, and lead by strong example that she was not the "little woman". You have cared for a child, albeit not your own, an aunt's love is not made of the same cloth of which mother or father's is cut. Regardless of the nitty gritty. Women's rights shouldn't be categorized as that, they are human rights. Rights that are for women, gays, blacks, minorities, and those without a voice. None of them should be looked at as a privilege, they are a choice, A RIGHT! that all minority groups deserve to make for themselves to be happy because they are human and everyone on this earth deserves the same consideration regardless of their chosen path. If people are happy then community should support them, because the road to decision is not black or white. There is nothing more beautiful than a matriarchal society here on mother earth, and it doesn't only have to happen outside a home in receipt of a paycheck, it is just important inside and around it, amazing and fulfilling accomplishments can be made there as well.
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